Dessicated Rock Stars, especially if they look cheerful. A few examples:
Lou Reed meets one criterion, but not the other;
But good ol' Johnny Rotten steps in to fill the gap (surely that's not his kid he's holding ... is it?);
Roger Daltrey appears suspiciously "well preserved", but methinks the trapped look on his face and his tenuous grip on the water bottle signifies an inner dessication;
Bob Dylan hasn't cracked a smile on camera since he broke up with Joan Baez -- but see if you can't get him to grin when you book him for your next "corporate or private event" here (I've got a birthday coming up!);
Angus Young has, for the past quarter-century-plus, reportedly been a tee-totaller and devoted husband and family man, but any 52-year-old who's chain-smoked cigarettes from the age of seven to the present still qualifies as dessicated;
And finally the all-time champion of dessication and cheerfulness, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, if there's a bustle in your hedgerow, won't you please give it up for...
Mr. Robert Plant!